Silent Struggle

It actually hasn't been too silent. The people closest to me know about this struggle. Hell, if you follow me on Pinterest, whether you're close to me or not, you see a lot about this. My husband and I have been trying to have a child for about a year and a half. I've always wanted to be a mother. I think the happiest joy for me aside from my husband would be to be a mother. I love kids and to create a miracle is a beautiful thing. I wanted to be a mother before I wanted to get married. In fact, I told my parents they will have a grand child from me through an artificial insemination. I just did not want to get married and I didn't want a child with the person I was with. Life doesn't always go the way you plan it. Clearly....because this up and down roller coaster is not what I planned on having. I just knew that when we got birth control, it would happen with a few months. I just knew that I would be working on child #2 in our almost 3 years of marriage. I just knew that I would not be joining so many women out there doing everything they can to have a child. Little did I know that creating a child happens in a very small window. Little did I know just how sad I would get with every negative pregnancy. Little did I know how jealous I would get of every pregnant woman I would see--even a pregnant mannequin! It was a mannequin in maternity wear. I had to laugh at my self on that one because I had to have tripped over the cliff with both eyes to be jealous about that. 

A couple of quick facts about my current journey: Upon the request of my OBGYN doctor, we tried naturally for a year and it was a no go. I had several moments of Gasp, could this be the moment? but no go. During that year, I was having irregular cycles -sometimes for months at a time. That wasn't fun at all. After the year passed, I got some blood work done and an ultrasound to check out my uterus. Turns out I had a polyp and needed to be removed. We scheduled a DNC and got prepared. That was interesting because I never heard the term before so was not aware that surgery is typically for women who have had a miscarriage. I am so thankful that I haven't had to endure a miscarriage.
I never had surgery though so that was scary enough but it was success. I didn't die. :) After that, she put me on Clomid. It did what it was supposed to do (YAY!!) but I didn't get pregnant. We did another ultrasound and found a cyst. So now we're going through life like normal and waiting another month to see if the cyst is gone and I can get back on Clomid.

I wanted to share this silent struggle because 1-I want to find and talk to others that are going through and did go through particularly in my circle. I know that out of all the people I talk to through Social Media, someone else is going through this and may need someone to talk to --as do I :) This struggle/journey has rolled over to my writing life. My main character of my latest novel is going through this so I thought why not share it. So just as I did with wedding planning, going back to natural and starting my locs, I welcome you to join me on my journey of having a child. #happywife #happymarriage #happynatural #locd&loaded #happyTTC