Locs update -5 months!

So two days before my 31st birthday, I went and got my locs retwisted. It's been five months since I started my locs. It's been a good transition so far. I'm truly loving it -the whole thing of watching them form and grow. This retwist was a little different. My loctician asked me if I'm ready for a style. I honestly didn't think my locs were long enough to have a style. He told me I got 'hang time'. I told him -ok, give me style, I trust you. He gave me this African crown style and I loved it. I'm not one for updos usually but it looked great. Then after about a week, I took the style down and was really surprised as to how long the locs are. I'm so happy. Next up -color!!! To be continued....

Getting in the swing of things

I am finally getting back to my writing. I haven't really been able to write since I was planning my wedding. I've had a few characters play around in my head for the last six months but they are now talking to me. :)

You are now a homeowner!

To hear those was so amazing. We started looking for a house in April but had been wanting one for a while. We did three houses that we ultimately felt like it was the house but we ended up losing the bid. I will admit that losing those three were slightly heartbreaking. The first two had so much character that it literally spoke to me. I saw our future kids and grandkids at those houses. Fortunately we didn't get those house because both needed so much work. The first house was older but it was a 3 bedroom, basement, hardwood floors, fireplace, six car driveway in a very quaint artsy neighborhood where people walked their dogs, every neighbor knew each neighbor and was very comfortable. We would have had to have the total amount of the home in cash to buy it. That should have told me right then but I still fell in love with it.

The second house was just beautiful on the outside. Two story home with four bedrooms, backyard, nice looking neighborhood with so much room for potential. It was in our price range, it just fit us and again, so much potential. The main problem was it needed so much work. The homes were looking at were all foreclosed so (understandably) some of the former residents trashed the houses before moving out. In this house, they pulled up all of the carpeting, the walls were horribly painted and trashed. Most of it was cosmetic but a lot of money. A lot of money we didn't have. I still wanted the home though. I am all about fixing and repairing and loving the end result. Our realtor told us two hours after we bid on it that someone had already got it. I was more than heartbroken on this one. I did what they all said we shouldn't and that was invest every emotion into the home. I saw me and my husband pulling up from work, eating dinner in the dining room, BBQing in the back, kids coming from karate and piano classes. I saw all of that and then some. So when they said it was gone, it took a minute to shake the feeling. I don't have a picture of this house because once we lost it, I didn't want to look at it anymore. Yeah -I went that far.

Which then brings us to May 29. Hubby and I looked at five houses in one day. Just boom boom boom boom boom -house after house. We told our realtor that we'll place a bid on three. The first was so beautiful that I didn't even think we'd get it. The second one was another fixer upper but it had a huge gigantic back deck that faced a large lake. It was beautiful. The third was a lot higher than we were planning but with that con came the luxury of the kitchen having new cabinets, cathedral ceilings, four bedrooms 2 1/2 baths, nice quiet neighborhood in the area that we always wanted to live. Guess which house we got? House #3!!

Never judge a book by its cover part 2

I have many talents but one that I can honestly say that I do well is keeping my life at home or hidden. I can smile, laugh, drink, be professional, keep a conversation, drive, speak and work all day long. I'll then come home and tear everything I did apart. Doubts and fears would kick in hard and I would question everything I did. Why did I do that? What was I thinking? When someone would call, all of that was pushed away and I was good. Friends of mine would ask me things like why is everything perfect in your life or I wish I had your life. I would tell them that it's certainly not perfect, I just don't talk about it. When I turned 30 (even a little before), I learned that I had to a)let things go and talk about them and b) know to never judge a book by its cover. Never think that someone is happy when they may not be. Never think that someone's life is so much better. Never think that the outside appearance, whether good or bad, is just that. 

Learning to embrace the messy hair

So far within this journey back to natural, I have encountered a couple of things that I want to share. Luckily I have found the very moments in picture form. I know it's a process and it is very comforting that I'm not alone in all of these experiences. It's just funny for something to happen and then see someone else feeling the same way.

First try with Bantu Knot Out

Last night I tried Bantu Knots for the first time. I think that it went well. I was nervous because on the honest tip, I was scared of doing my own hair. I didn't know how to really. I remember washing my hair at home and it would become this big fro and because I didn't know how to manage, I would immediately want to go the hair salon. I would get the relaxer or the iron out and feel better with my straight silky hair. I loved it. Not going to front. So last night was the first time that I not only washed it and conditioned (always went to the salon even when I started going natural) but decided to try the Bantu Knots. I think what really pushed me is I keep talking about me going back to natural-I need to embrace whatever happens. I will say that I had a 2 second freak out the shower. As soon as the water hit, I bit my lip. But you know what though. I made this decision and what happens happen. I did the two strands and twisted up and kept them secure with a bobby pin. I was watching You tube videos all night. Went to bed and woke up several times. I finally got up at 9, anxious to see what it looked like. A few were still wet but for the most part, they were definitely curly. I do like it but like doing anything for the first time, I need to figure out to avoid the frizz and want to do when some don't curl at some. Next time I will make bigger knots. I couldn't tell you how many I had but we will see for next time. My next mission for this finding out the maintenance for tonight. What do I do tonight and tomorrow morning. I will find out. Posting pics below (no make up or anything-just me) What do you think? First time. #naturalhairrocks

Front

Back

Finally on my journey

What's up my people. It has been a long time that I've blogged but I figure now is as good as any other. Dec 29 - I will be turning 30. For the last couple of months, I've been secretly and loudly freaking about turning 30. I never really thought about it before now but now that it's getting closer, I'm tripping. I can't believe how much I'm tripping but to ease this freaking out, I've given my list of things I want to do before I turn 30. Yes I know that in two days, it'll be November which means I don't have much time but I have three things that I want to or start by my wonderful soul day. I say wonderful easier in typing form. I'm working on it saying it out loud. 1. I want to lose 10 lbs. I think it's reachable. I just have to remember that this is for a good cause. 2. I want to learn a new language, particularly Italian. I'm not saying master the language of course but if I can say key phrases, that will make me feel happy. 3. Finally move forward with going natural and get the locs that I've been wanting for a long time. Number 3 is definitely something that has always been in the back of my mind but now I can say I can and am. I have thick hair. Super thick. When I was in high school, my mother would let me get my hair done every two weeks. I would get my relaxers and always loved to do the flip of the hair over my shoulder like they did in the commercials. When my hair was done, I was happy. When it wasn't done, I wasn't the happiest person to be around. I found myself saying things like "I hate my hair!" or "I hate that it's so thick!". I never would say nappy. Didn't think of it as nappy but just thick. As I got older, the need to have my hair done all the time was still high but now I was paying for my hair appointments and it was getting expensive. Plus I was doing all of the typical things: I wouldn't want anyone, mainly the guy I would be dating to touch my hair, I would try to avoid the rain at all cost. When I would get my hair done, I slept in the chair or raised up on my elbow. I did all of that. I was the queen of the stiff neck. Then a couple of years ago, I met a lot of writers and poets (shout out to the Writer's Bloc family!) and was surrounded by people had locs and afros and kinky twists and cuts and I loved all of it. It was just beautiful to me and I thought to myself -why am I not natural? What is holding me back? It fits my personality (as far as I can tell). I love my people so why am I not embracing the hair of my people? I kept asking myself this and the only answer I could come up with was I didn't know how to manage my natural hair. I was and still am very uneducated on the right products. That one answer kept me in the dark for awhile. Finally a month ago, I decided it was time. I want a change for my 30th birthday and why not this? I'm growing more and more into my own as a woman and feel like that I am rock my locs and not worry about what people think and more importantly, the fears that I once had. I just took my microbraids a couple of days ago so I'm going to have my hair breathe. In a couple of weeks, I will be getting loc extensions. I'm really excited about it. My family, who knows me as very Afrocentric and proud, are supportive. My husband is very supportive as well. I never thought he wouldn't be but I'm glad that he understands why I'm doing it. Now it is official. No more chemicals. No more of the constant burden or "need" to get my hair done like I used to. Beauty will not be constituted by how a once perceived picture that I had with my hair.

2nd day and I'm starving....

For those that are my FB friend or Twitter friend, you might have cracked up at my status around 4:30ish. It read and I quote,

Stomach: Get me some chilli cheese fries. Me: Shut up trick!

People, my husband and I started the HCG diet officially yesterday and man, I am not going to lie to you--I am so hungry. I want things that I don't usually eat. I don't eat ice cream all that much but damn, a chocolate fudge sundae sure sounds good right now. But.....we are being strong. We both have already lost some pounds, believe it or not. This is going to work. We are going to look banging on the cruise or at least that's the goal. :) We are going to reach it. We have to. I will say though what really sucks (he and I both discovered) is that next week is Valentine's Day. With that loving, beautiful yet yucky and sappy holiday comes chocolate and sweets. You might want to have some champagne and a nice dinner. We can't do that. No chocolate covered strawberries. No pasta dinner for two while sipping a red wine. No chocolate dessert with raspberry drizzled over it. No wine, champagne, no alcohol at all. Ugh. None of that. My husband said, "I guess we didn't plan that right." But you know it's all good. We'll have our green tea in our champagne glasses. It compliment our meal just nicely: 3.5 oz of chicken, grilled to perfection with a dash of pepper inside of lettuce and tomato slices. Mmmmmm.....sounds good, doesn't it? It's all good though. Valentine's Day is about celebrating love with one another and the joy of being married and our first Valentine's Day as husband and wife....without chocolate :)

We're starting after the Superbowl

For my birthday (in December) my husband got me the Wii Personal Trainer game. From the time we got married to December, I would whine and complain about gaining weight and how I need to buy more clothes because of this and that. I always talked about going to the gym but never went. I was turning into that person that I didn't want to be: a sayer and not a doer. I always tell people that actions speak louder than words and yet I wasn't doing that. Husband took action and bought this game. I was too happy. I can work out at home so no need to buy a gym membership (which is what I told him I originally wanted. Planet Fitness was running a $10/monthly membership with no contract). Then he said we can work out together. That statement was the push for me to my mind right and get these started. For those who have purchased or should I say, invested in this "person", hopefully you'll agree with me when I say OMG to the third power. We set up the 9 week program on easy and set it up where we worked out four days and rested three. The trainer talks you and encourages you when it seems like your real body isn't making the animated you move on screen. They do encourage like You can do this or Let's try again. It's all for you. Just imagine though; you yourself is doing the exercise but because the sensor isn't picking up on your movements, the animated you is just standing there. Where you've physically done ten push-ups but the screen only says two, you're ready to fight the chick on the screen. We're going strong for about three weeks and I start getting pains in both of my ankles. I dealt with it for about two weeks with waking up in the middle of the night with pain and having a hard time trying to walk. Finally I went to the doc (which I hate to do for anything) and found out I had tendonitis in both ankles. I was doing so good, people. I was working out and we were drinking water and trying to eat right. It's about two weeks since I've been to the doctor and they've gotten a lot better. I bought some work out shoes so I can get back into it. I got to. It's true about the gaining of ten to 15 once you get married. I cannot reveal my gain but it's time to get rid of it. So in addition to working out and changing our eating habits, we're (he's still doing it with me) going to start our HCG diet. I did it once before the wedding and I lost 7 pounds in a week and a half and that was it. My father and aunt lost bookoo weight so that's what I'm hoping for. We'll see. I know with this diet, I was hungry all the time so expect a lot more of angry blogs probably about food. :)

What will 2012 bring?

I make goals for myself when the New Year's Eve arrives. I always try to work on me physically, mentally and emotionally. I never liked to call them New Year's resolutions. I'm not sure why. Could be just the term. Almost like I'm expected to fail because who ever completes or accomplishes their New Year's resolutions? :) I definitely want to lose weight which I'm currently working on. I'm constantly trying to find motivation to write. I bought Overcoming writer's Block for Dummies and as much as I try the mind exercises, my writing mind doesn't seem to be clicking. I haven't written a piece since May or June. So that's another goal of mine; to at least write a page each week and then move up to a page a day. I want to slow down my over thinking train. It's forever going so I want to slow it down a little bit and try to enjoy life. I mean really enjoy it. Quiet moments, jazz moments, husband and I watching Law & Order, spending time with the family, a sunrise---just enjoy time and life. A light bulb went off after my husband and I went to St. Louis. Before we left, we both said it doesn't matter what we do, it will be all good because it'll spent with each other. Just us. I can remember several moments where I wasn't enjoying time with him because I was worrying about money. Were we going to have enough? Even though I had a money plan set up before we left, we were thrown a small curve ball and the plan just evaporated and I got worried. It took for my husband to say a couple of times "Just chill. Quit worrying." Finally I did and we had a blast but had I just relaxed and laughed it off, I wouldn't have lost those moments. So when we go on our cruise, I will enjoy everything and try my hardest to just relax and NOT WORRY. What else? We'll be moving this year from the current apartment. We're looking at both options in regards to a house -rent or own? Work is going well but I have been thinking about moving up the ladder or at least trying something new within company. Husband just got promoted with his employment so he's going on a new journey. (I'm so proud and excited for him!) This year I just want to get to that point of not worrying. Calming my brain, my sleep, my thoughts-everything. I'm going to make 2012 great! Cheesy, I know but positive thinking, right?

What is really going Indy?

Every day since the New Year began, Indianapolis has had a homicide. It’s always crazy watching the news which I try not to watch it but lately it’s been feeling very Law & Order SVU/Criminal Minds-ish. A man killed a young girl (to whom he was babysitting) and chopped up her body? Random people are getting shot while standing outside on their property or just taking out the trash? Sounds like that Criminal Minds episode when the son was just popping off people left and right because he was fired from his job and his mother was yelling about rent money in the same day. I just don’t understand it. I can’t wait to move out the neighborhood we live in. During the summer, people were getting held up at gun point. We’ve had break-ins during the day on the weekend---they were bold. Just crazy. I’ve even had dreams about our car getting stolen and then the next dream was I was in jail. Doesn’t make sense at all. What is going on Indianapolis?

Commitment

Before he and I got married, one goal he wanted me to have was finish college. I have been to three colleges and didn't finish any of them. It was mainly a financial thing. I should have been all good considering both of my parents were in the military. Not to mention, I'm a black female---I should have been able to get all kinds of financial aid. It wasn't that easy and I probably didn't apply as hard as I should have. Got those loans though. Student loans kept coming but at the same time, it didn't seem like they were coming fast enough. So needless to say, I left school for the last time in 2004. Now fast forward to 2011, been married for seven months and I am on my last loan payment (LAST!), I've decided to go back to school. I thought last month was my last but I owe $80 more dollars. Although I am extremely happy about that, what do I have to show for it? I've paid too much damn money to not have a degree on my wall. I am so proud of my brother. He (with a huge push from our mother) went to school, kept pushing throughout the four years and got his Bachelor's degree. He didn't once say he wanted to give up or stop or just take a break. He kept going and finished. I was such the proud older sister at his graduation. My husband also has his degree. When we have children, I want to have that accomplished to. I want us to say the same thing my parents said to me and my brother--We both have Bachelor's. You two have to have same or better. They said that when we were really young. I have to now. I have to push forward and do this. Like my vow to commit to husband, I need to commit this and see it to the end. Besides, I am one to find ways to keep me busy. School and completing my book for daughters and my children's book series should keep me busy for at least a year. The timeline for children is slowly moving back mainly because we want to do a lot before that comes. So ladies/wives/sisters, keep your self busy. Your marriage is a wonderful thing but make sure you keep yourself busy so you guys can miss each other. Seeing each other again makes things so much sweeter. Muah!

New addition...not that

On our 7 month anniversary, my husband and I found out that we're adding a new addition to our family. The women in the family say it's a girl. My husband would like to think it's a boy but we all know that truth. It's a Kia! We got a new car and it truly shown our personalities with this new item. He was excited and nervous and proud. I was excited, nervous, proud but worried. I was worried about money. How much would it be? Banks and loans and money that isn't mine make me cringe. But....like a house, it was needed. My husband picked it out. He said "We need to find a family oriented car. When that time comes, we will be ready....at least with the car." He is right. I agreed with him 100%. It was crazy because when we were talking to the sales man, I had my game/man face on. I didn't care about the bells and whistles--tell me the cost. The salesman kept talking about head room and the size for baby seats. My husband kept talking about the size for baby seats and all the space in the back for football, basketball, school books and dance class bags. It's a beautiful thing that he was seeing all of that stuff. I wasn't at first because they didn't say how much it was. All I wanted to know was can we afford it? We talked, slept on it, went in the next day, and told us the price. I've never had a car payment (always paid in cash) so any size was too high for me. But we agreed, signed the papers and now have a family car. This past Saturday, I was leaving my mother's house and listening to This is the Life by Wendy & Lisa. I absolutely love that song. It's a soul speaking song. So I'm listening to this song, it's getting dark and for some reason I glance up at the rear view mirror and I could see our son and daughter passed out from a long day with Mom. I smiled. I could see it at that moment. The future is getting closer. Closer than you think. Happy marriage :)