What's wrong with you?!

My people -if you know anyone that is trying to have a child and running into infertility, pleee--aase do not ask what's wrong with you?! Please don't say that they can have one of yours because they get on your nerves. Please don't say that you must not be having sex right because you have four kids already. If you think that you're being the good friend, I can reassure and tell you that you're not. The couple, particularly the woman is going through enough without that great friend telling her just how wrong she's doing everything. Fortunately I've only had one person say something close to this. I was telling this person that we may have to look to other avenues on having a baby and they said "Why aren't you just having sex? Isn't that the normal way?" The normal way -that stung a little bit. I defensively took that as saying I'm not normal. My body and what it's not doing is not normal like I'm some freakishly deformed thing (not a woman) who should be in a zoo somewhere displayed as the broken female alien that I am. I will admit that I went to the far end of my imagination with this but for that moment, I felt like that. I don't understand a lot of things about this but I wonder why it doesn't register that the woman has asked all of these questions to herself and her spouse. What's wrong with me? What's wrong with you? What is wrong with us? Does God hate me? Am I so crazy and deranged that I shouldn't reproduce? Why can't I have what I've been wanting for so long? What is wrong with me? 

So...just a little advice for those who are friends with, sisters with, brothers with, mothers and fathers with someone who has or is trying to have a child, it's truly a roller coaster -lots of up and down emotions and sometimes asking, "What's wrong with you?" just might make the drop even harder. #venting

The Best Man Holiday is the best movie in 2013

I have not seen a lot of movies in the theaters at all. I typically wait until it's in the RedBox. I finally saw 42 a couple of weeks ago and loved it. That movie was done so well and I tip my hat Chadwick Boseman and Alan Tudyk for all the movie but for one particular scene that I cringe just thinking about. If you've seen 42, you'll know that scene I'm talking about. I however will have to say that my new favorite movie is The Best Man Holiday. It's by far the best movie I've seen in a long time. First of all, I think I was like a lot of other people who thought why is there a sequel after almost 13 years. I was a senior in high school when the first one came out. I loved it. As I was hearing more about it, I said that I would check it out because the whole cast is so great at their craft but we don't see them on the screen as much as I think we should.That's another blog.

 

So flash forward to last weekend --the movie premiered and I'm seeing nothing but great reviews. In fact the majority of the reviews were "I laughed and cried!" For anyone who knows me knows that I don't like to cry. I hate crying and I'm definitely not going to cry in public. I mean I don't even like crying in front of my husband. So smart me -I thought why not go to the movies with my father or brother. They certainly aren't going to cry which will then deter me from crying. So Dad and I go and the first half of the movie was hilarious, had some corny moments like most romantic comedies do but the second half -*insert sigh. At first, I was doing good. I could hear other people around sniffling. I could hear tissue boxes opening in preparation for what was coming. But I was good. I kept it together. That lasted for about a good ten minutes. After that, the tears would not stop crying. I cried during the movie. I cried leaving the movie while talking to my Dad about me crying AND I cried on the way home. Like.a.baby. I will not reveal anything because you really need to see this movie. 

I will say that this movie touched so many things in my everyday life that I probably needed that cry. They hit black men and women with issues of infertility to writer's block to pride to faith and holding onto it. Overall -it was a beautiful movie and when I see it again, I will definitely bring my own tissues!

Loc'd Hair...Don't Care!

On Aug 10, I finally started my locs. I know that I had blogged before about loc extensions. I'll admit that I was a little nervous about actually going through with it. However, after moving into our house, going to see and meet Jill Scott, and my surgery, I thought what the heck! I am a very patient and understanding woman with life and love; why wouldn't I be with my hair? So I found a loctician on Facebook (Yay Facebook!), contacted him and two days later and for five hours, I went from a rather large fro that I loved to locs.

I didn't know that they were going to be that long but SOOOO happy with my decision. I love the freedom of my locs, not having to do much right now. Locs are all about patience, time and willing to let things go the way it should. I have a loc right now that seems to be slightly crooked. Just a little bit. I tried to pull it down for about ten seconds and then thought to myself -do what you do. In the end, it'll all be how it should be. So yes, here I am..

          LOC'D HAIR ....DON'T CARE!

Never judge a book by its cover part 2

I have many talents but one that I can honestly say that I do well is keeping my life at home or hidden. I can smile, laugh, drink, be professional, keep a conversation, drive, speak and work all day long. I'll then come home and tear everything I did apart. Doubts and fears would kick in hard and I would question everything I did. Why did I do that? What was I thinking? When someone would call, all of that was pushed away and I was good. Friends of mine would ask me things like why is everything perfect in your life or I wish I had your life. I would tell them that it's certainly not perfect, I just don't talk about it. When I turned 30 (even a little before), I learned that I had to a)let things go and talk about them and b) know to never judge a book by its cover. Never think that someone is happy when they may not be. Never think that someone's life is so much better. Never think that the outside appearance, whether good or bad, is just that. 

Never judge a book by it's cover part 1

I just finished watching the Behind the Music Nicole Scherzinger and I was literally amazed about the behind the scenes of her life. You see this woman who is thin, tall, beautiful, singer, dancer, exotic looking and yet she hated herself for years and years. She battled extreme shyness and an eating disorder while being the lead singer of a famous record selling girl group. I know that people outside of the celebrity lifestyle, myself included, look at celebrities and think that they must be on the top of the world. They have money and fame. They can get whatever they want, practically date who ever they want and they should always be happy. When these celebrities, particularly women, talk about how they don't think they're beautiful, they're single and been single for a long time, can't find love, have abandonment issues, don't love themselves or their bodies, although I know they all are human, it's almost baffling to hear. I do, with each story, gain more respect for them to know that while I've disliked the fact that I'm short, wore glasses, plump body, not being light skinned with the long flowing hair, the thin tall model looking Halle Berry look like is disgusted with herself as well. I don't know if it's respect or just knowing that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling.

As I watched this program, I then began to think about someone who I know that I once envied. I met her almost two years ago. I was just getting back into my spoken word but when I had her one of pieces, it was truthful and raw and my piece wasn't even close to that by far. I think I even had to go on stage after her and completely compared every thing I wrote to hers and felt that I shouldn't put a pen to words ever again. We then became Facebook friends and I would read some of her posts about the love she found and how she was welcoming a new baby into the world. I was honestly happy for her and never thought ill thoughts about her. It was never she think she cute or any of that typical hating that a lot (not all) of women do to each other. It was more of turning the negative on myself like why can't I have this or that. As time went on, her FB stats began to show how unhappy she was and the question of why am I still single kept coming up. By this time, I had gotten married and very happy with my love life. After awhile, I had to check myself and tell myself that not everyone that looks like they are happy and doing great isn't. The person that looks better than I do isn't perfect so why am I beating myself up? (more to continue)