Growing...

This is just a random blog that's been on the brain for a minute so bear with. March happens to be Women's History Month. Last year, I started researching facts about the unknown black women that aren't profiled as much as others. I learned a lot about different women and shared that info on my Twitter and Facebook pages. This year, I thought I would take a different route. 

I was born in Korea, raised in Germany and came to the states in the early 90s. Raised in a two parent home with one younger brother in a middle class home. I had always been shy and self conscious about how I looked. I used to be super skinny with a big forehead, big nose, thick hair and big glasses. A lot of that hasn't changed except for the skinny part. None of my features or my skin tone 't really bothered me too much....or so I thought. I remember once in the 5th grade where it was the parent/teacher conference. My mother gave me the 3 braids (2 in the front and one big one in the back) with the big ball hair ties. I had these and my pink glasses. We walked in and my teacher said, "Wow! You look just like Whoopi Goldberg!" He then starts laughing loudly. For the rest of the year I was taunted with the nickname Whoopi or Celie from the Color Purple. When he first said that, I was hurt. I felt ugly and ashamed and extra black. It was like I knew I was the darkest student in the class but now, I was being followed with Danny Glover's famous line

Look at you. Your black, you're poor, you're ugly, you're a woman, you're nothing at all! 

 Needless to say, I became even more of a recluse and whatever self esteem I had was now lost. That nickname followed me until 7th grade. Then I remember seeing the movies Posse and Low Down Dirty Shame and saw Sally Richardson-Whitfield. I immediately wanted to look like her. I wanted to be tall, skinny, pretty and light. At least lighter than I was. Then that led to me wanting to look like Halle Berry, Vanessa Williams (singer), Lisa Bonet, Jasmine Guy, etc. I never tried to lighten my skin or bash myself loudly. It was more of a silent cry --why do I look like this. Why have I have to be compared to a woman that will forever be known as dark, black ugly Celie? 

Junior year of high school, I read Black Boy by Richard Wright. It's one of my all time favorite books. I absolutely loved it and I slowly began to love the skin that I'm in. If you read the book, you'll know why. Then I saw Lauryn Hill singing Killing Me Softly. For the first time, I saw a dark skinned woman that I thought I could relate to physically. Not looks-wise because I definitely don't look anything like her but just of how proud she was of her and her skin. That was the positive. The negative of that was it took for me to look at a celebrity to really appreciate my mother. I look just like my mother and during all that time that I was hating me and how I looked, I was in part hating her as well because she gave me these looks. She gave me this skin. After I truly woke up, I then began to look at all of our shades and tones and was proud of what I am and who I am. Today, I can honestly say that I love the fact that I may look like Whoopi Goldberg. I think she is an incredible person on so many levels and would not want to change myself. Now my weight (insert sigh). 

 So that is my history as a black woman so far. What has your history shown you?