Never judge a book by it's cover part 1

I just finished watching the Behind the Music Nicole Scherzinger and I was literally amazed about the behind the scenes of her life. You see this woman who is thin, tall, beautiful, singer, dancer, exotic looking and yet she hated herself for years and years. She battled extreme shyness and an eating disorder while being the lead singer of a famous record selling girl group. I know that people outside of the celebrity lifestyle, myself included, look at celebrities and think that they must be on the top of the world. They have money and fame. They can get whatever they want, practically date who ever they want and they should always be happy. When these celebrities, particularly women, talk about how they don't think they're beautiful, they're single and been single for a long time, can't find love, have abandonment issues, don't love themselves or their bodies, although I know they all are human, it's almost baffling to hear. I do, with each story, gain more respect for them to know that while I've disliked the fact that I'm short, wore glasses, plump body, not being light skinned with the long flowing hair, the thin tall model looking Halle Berry look like is disgusted with herself as well. I don't know if it's respect or just knowing that I'm not alone in what I'm feeling.

As I watched this program, I then began to think about someone who I know that I once envied. I met her almost two years ago. I was just getting back into my spoken word but when I had her one of pieces, it was truthful and raw and my piece wasn't even close to that by far. I think I even had to go on stage after her and completely compared every thing I wrote to hers and felt that I shouldn't put a pen to words ever again. We then became Facebook friends and I would read some of her posts about the love she found and how she was welcoming a new baby into the world. I was honestly happy for her and never thought ill thoughts about her. It was never she think she cute or any of that typical hating that a lot (not all) of women do to each other. It was more of turning the negative on myself like why can't I have this or that. As time went on, her FB stats began to show how unhappy she was and the question of why am I still single kept coming up. By this time, I had gotten married and very happy with my love life. After awhile, I had to check myself and tell myself that not everyone that looks like they are happy and doing great isn't. The person that looks better than I do isn't perfect so why am I beating myself up? (more to continue)